Hiring!

The economy is in the crapper.  Industries that have been suffering continue to suffer.  Those that have been okay are now feeling the effects.  So what is my company doing hiring? 

[ Deep within a cave with torches attached to the wall for light.  Just picture darkness, bats, sounds of water dripping, and the sounds torches make when they are moved really quickly in a movie. ]

Boss: "We've got no way of making a profit this year.  Most of us were actually frightful of losing our jobs."

Wayne: "Were?  Were afraid of losing our jobs?"

Boss: "Yeppers.  But we figured out a way to keep everyone's job."

[grins all around]

Boss: "Actually there will be quite a bit more people around."

[confused looks all around]

Boss: "By an accounting and tax loop hole the more potential debt we assume the more we can rack up on credit.  The new government has given us the opportunity to take on up to... "

[ Boss puts on glasses and looks at notes on paper ]

Boss: "145 small business loans."

Roger: "So we can use loans to pay for things until things pickup?"

Boss: "That is the plan.  If we use up to 60 loans up are able to coast for 2 years.  If we use up to 120 loans we can expand and make ourselves appear to be more profitable to potential buyers."

Me: "Won't potential buyers look at the books and see we have outstanding debts that are unpayable?"

Boss: "Not if we get enough people that a major buyer can assume such a large debt without blinking.  So we have to become massive."

Me: "But what will all these people be doing?"

Boss: "We obviously don't have enough work for them to do.  We are covering everything already.  I need everyone here to make up fake work for new employees to do."

[ good thing we already do that for the interns ]

New Interns

Our last interns didn't last a long time. Funny. I would have thought that not doing any real work would have kept them around a long time. We only made them wash our cars and go pick up lunch. Couldn't have been that bad, right?

Of the new lot of interns, Jim is our chief intern. Not because he is the oldest or smartest. He is designated as chief because he is the first to do any crap work. Jim had the fortunate job of assigning each intern to an actual employee today for the first of many new intern games.

Acidity Test
The Acidity Test is a test of the acid strength in your urine. How the challenge works is that your facilitator or intern monitors or is the caretaker of your individual urinal cake. The facilitator handles the urinal cake. The facilitator puts the cake in the urinal, removes it and stores it until the next usage.

All cakes are measured in size and determined density and mass at the beginning of the contest. At the end of the contest the employee with the urinal cake that has been deteriorated the most is declared the victor.

Prizes!
There should always be a prize at the end of every contest. Whether it is beer, money, a zip file with questionable contents or a razor (long story). This particular contest, being that we just got these people and we do not know much about them, we have decided that the winner gets to pick their intern. Especially if you think that your current intern is a pain. I'm guessing most will not try and pick Jim as he is Chief Intern and usually running errands all phreakin' day long for everyone in the office anyways.