Burritos. Now comes smoking. What next?

Shawn went full vegan for a good several weeks before he was finally busted.  You remember the trip to the hospital due to gas buildup?  Well Burrito Babe found out that he wasn't a vegan.  The guy did pretty good.  He cleaned out his house of all toxic protein and memorabilia.  Yes, there is such thing as beef memorabilia, at least when you are a bachelor and haven't taken out the trash with 200 old Whopper/Double Quarter Pount/ or White Kastle wrappers lining your kitchen.  But women are unpredictable. 

Burrito Babe showed up unnannounced two minutes after the delivery driver was making his 2 large extra meat and cheese drop off.  Unfortunately even Shawn isn't smooth enough to get through that one unscathed. 

So smoking is the latest thing.  I liked it better when he was in that cooking class and brought in cakes and pastries.  Or when he was in yoga and had yet another trip to the hospital.  (something about putting your foot behind your head and pulling his groin)  There is a hottie on another floor that smokes.  So in order to find reasons to be around her he recently picked up smoking. 

Now there are some sure fire ways to tell a new smoker. 

1.  Coughing.  Real smokers don't cough.  They actually re-inhale what they just exhaled to get more nicotine. 
2.  Holding a cigarette correctly.  Real smokers know how to hold a cigarette like they've been doing for years, because frankly they have.

Now the brand of cigarette you choose also plays a big factor as well.  It is safe to go with Camel or Marlboro.  But then you have to know the difference between which political stance you are taking when you choose hard pack or soft pack.  What does this say about you as a person?  Or better yet, in bed?

So, Shawn now rolls his own cigarettes in attempt to appear the most manly.  Plus it makes him look like he is smoking weed to the non-smokers.  And when a smoker asks about it knowing that it isn't pot, he can say something casually like, "Its got less of the bad stuff.  I just get the nicotine." 

Now the problem with trying to catch up with a girl on a different floor that smokes is that you have to take a LOT of smoke breaks.  Shawn is probably gonna get cancer trying to hook up with this girl.